Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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