i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
