yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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