STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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