it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
