it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
