Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
