if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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