I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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