i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
