oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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