Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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