I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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