He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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