did you get engaged???
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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