i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
