Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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