I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
