So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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