O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
