Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
