I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
