my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
