You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize