i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
