This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
