Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
