im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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