Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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