I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
