i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
