i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
