you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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