Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
