just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
