i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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