yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
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I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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