tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
