Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
