I think I won the penis lottery.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
