we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
