If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
