You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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