I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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