i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
