I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No subtext here. People are naked.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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