just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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