I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
