what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
