I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
