Apparently you make a good broom.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize