I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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