White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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