Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
