I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
