Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
