next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
