handjob tips. give me some.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
