Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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