I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
