I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize