Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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