A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He passed out mid-signature
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
