That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
