just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
