he puts the penis in happiness.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
