he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
