What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
