I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize