Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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