K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
