There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
