and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
