i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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