I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
