I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
