All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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