College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
