in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
