I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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