I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
