Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
FUCK WHALES
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
