Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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